oh, its what you do to me

It really surprises me how I always manage to lose myself in the steady momentum of footsteps, in the incessant slapping sound of my slippers against my heels, in the constant progressing that I have control over...

It's so boring. So predictable. I love it. I love walking.

Today I think I walked a total of at least five kilometres, most of which was done in a tiny drizzle with my entirety being kept warm by the lingering touch of something I find I am unable to put into words because it is indescribable and because whatever I would or words could say would not do it enough justice.

As I took my last walk for the evening alone, at 11pm and suddenly I realised I was automatically processing what I saw on the street and juxtaposing it in my head. The lights turning from amber to red as I approach the junction. The short-cuts, the speed limits, the warnings of 'Humps Ahead'.

The people. The people over-taking you the people who don't give a fucking damn if they run their shiny Mercedes Benz into a puddle next to you the people shutting their doors the people lowering their blinds the lights going off on you one by one by one the people you give smiles to but you don't know them they don't know you and then you're wondering-

I realise I am craving for people. Then again I didn't realise when I stopped opening up.

More speed limit signs telling you to slow down. More signs telling you of obstacles ahead but we're still going, maybe faster, not caring for the resultant ramifications that we cannot just stick a million-dollar bandaid over.

And it's all there. The rules: stick to your lanes, go in this direction, wait for the lights to change, be polite to fellow drivers and pedastrians, keep within speed limits. Then there's still the unfairness of how some people get away with speeding some end up with fines some end up with death... its this big road. It's life. This is life. Life as observed from the viewpoint of a lone seventeen-year-old college student. Life as observed from the corner of a sidewalk under the interrogation of glaring streetlamps. Life as observed from someone shivering in the chilly evening air waiting hoping wishing longing for that something that doesn't come.

I think I've officially become jaded.